The Art of Drunk Dialing - sinbad
What is a drunk dial? I mean, I have dialed many a women late in the evening, but what for? Do I have a purpose? Not really. So why? I guess the main reason I drunk dial is because I am an idiot.
Lets get to the basics of a strong drunk dial. All you amateurs out there, take notes, or print off this article and carry it with next time you go out.
Rule #1 – You must be hammered drunk:
None of this I went out for 3 beers shit. You need to be rumbling stumbling drunk before you are ready to drunk dial. You should have consumed at least two types of alcohol as well ( a shot, beer, wine, cocktail…). This will ensure you have the proper liquid courage you will need for the following steps.
Rule #2 – You always call the opposite sex:
If you are a dude, why would you call another dude? If you are a girl, why call another girl? Ladies, don’t be that one girl who makes a fool of herself on her cell phone yelling at “her ladies” about how crazy you guys needs to get. You will sound like an idiot, and people like me will make fun of you.
Rule #3 – Say something you have always wanted to say:
This is a huge factor when drunk dialing. Its like being able to get free information from someone. It is ok to put your heart on your sleeve at this point because you are drunk. And if you make a fool of yourself, you can always blame it on being drunk. Its perfect.
Rule #4 – What do I do if the person I call isn’t drunk?:
Easy. Start yelling and don’t stop. Then proceed to make fun of them for not being out and then picking up the phone from someone they could 99.9% guarantee was drunk dialing them. They are more amateur than you are.
Rule #5 – Don’t leave voicemail:
Why would you? What good or purpose comes out of leaving a voicemail early in the morning? If the person calls you back the next morning, you can make up any number of excuses to get out a drunk dial conviction. Seriously, be creative with your excuses, they may impress the right person.
Rule #6 – Do not drunk dial in front of people:
This should be obvious, but I need to state it anyway. You don’t want other people thinking you are lame and that you still drunk dial. Do it in the confines of a bar bathroom, your house, or while going home.
Rule #7 – It’s ok to steal phones to drunk dial:
If you have friends you like to play pranks on, always take their phones and call ex-girlfriends, old hookups, parents, or their bosses. You can always downplay this by saying you meant to call someone else and that your finger slipped due to your drunkness.
Rule #8 – Once in a while it is ok to claim an emergency:
For the extremely desperate person, faking an emergency will work to get your receiver to come meet you, pick you up, or deliver food. However, you must be careful when using this method because this can really piss some people off.
Rule #9 – Have fun with it:
Remember, the more you drink the more you can drunk dial. As you are drinking your liquid courage, your creative juices will begin to flow and more ideas will come through. Don’t be afraid to try new things and mix it up every once in a while.
These are my drunk dialing rules.
-sinbad
Lets get to the basics of a strong drunk dial. All you amateurs out there, take notes, or print off this article and carry it with next time you go out.
Rule #1 – You must be hammered drunk:
None of this I went out for 3 beers shit. You need to be rumbling stumbling drunk before you are ready to drunk dial. You should have consumed at least two types of alcohol as well ( a shot, beer, wine, cocktail…). This will ensure you have the proper liquid courage you will need for the following steps.
Rule #2 – You always call the opposite sex:
If you are a dude, why would you call another dude? If you are a girl, why call another girl? Ladies, don’t be that one girl who makes a fool of herself on her cell phone yelling at “her ladies” about how crazy you guys needs to get. You will sound like an idiot, and people like me will make fun of you.
Rule #3 – Say something you have always wanted to say:
This is a huge factor when drunk dialing. Its like being able to get free information from someone. It is ok to put your heart on your sleeve at this point because you are drunk. And if you make a fool of yourself, you can always blame it on being drunk. Its perfect.
Rule #4 – What do I do if the person I call isn’t drunk?:
Easy. Start yelling and don’t stop. Then proceed to make fun of them for not being out and then picking up the phone from someone they could 99.9% guarantee was drunk dialing them. They are more amateur than you are.
Rule #5 – Don’t leave voicemail:
Why would you? What good or purpose comes out of leaving a voicemail early in the morning? If the person calls you back the next morning, you can make up any number of excuses to get out a drunk dial conviction. Seriously, be creative with your excuses, they may impress the right person.
Rule #6 – Do not drunk dial in front of people:
This should be obvious, but I need to state it anyway. You don’t want other people thinking you are lame and that you still drunk dial. Do it in the confines of a bar bathroom, your house, or while going home.
Rule #7 – It’s ok to steal phones to drunk dial:
If you have friends you like to play pranks on, always take their phones and call ex-girlfriends, old hookups, parents, or their bosses. You can always downplay this by saying you meant to call someone else and that your finger slipped due to your drunkness.
Rule #8 – Once in a while it is ok to claim an emergency:
For the extremely desperate person, faking an emergency will work to get your receiver to come meet you, pick you up, or deliver food. However, you must be careful when using this method because this can really piss some people off.
Rule #9 – Have fun with it:
Remember, the more you drink the more you can drunk dial. As you are drinking your liquid courage, your creative juices will begin to flow and more ideas will come through. Don’t be afraid to try new things and mix it up every once in a while.
These are my drunk dialing rules.
-sinbad
