This past summer a few of my college buddies all came to visit me to have a guys night out on the town. Everyone came over in the early evening and we grilled out and began drinking a few beers while we decided where to go.
While in the process of narrowing down a bar, one of my friends just told the rest of the group that he had consumed two Xanax pills in order to make the night a little more interesting. I don’t know much about prescription drugs, but I am pretty sure he just took a double of a daily dose, and planned to consume more alcohol on top of the pills.
We make it to the bar, where the music is blaring and there are too many guys and too few women. The beers and shots begin to flow when a table finally opens up, so we grab it while its still available.
We sit down and continue our conversation and order another bucket of beers. I see a cute (yes, not ugly) girl on the dance floor, so I decide to make my way over and see if she can hang with my sweet dance moves. She could defiantly hang, and I figure we danced through about two or three beers before I realized that I needed to cool off for a few minutes.
I go back to the table, open another beer before I notice something not right out of the corner of my eye. I turn my head to get a better view and see my pill popping friends head is down and is being held up by the palm of his hands. I reach over to see if he is passed out and shake his arm and the only sound produced was a loud moan and grumble combination. He lifted his head up for a few seconds and a trail of drool was going from his lip to the floor of the bar. I couldn’t help but start to laugh and even got a few of my other friends involved in this bizarre sense of humor.
After a few more minutes of poking fun, I noticed my friend really didn’t look well, so I told him to go to the bathroom and throw up. He got up (drool chin and all) and managed to walk to the bathroom. After 10 or 15 minutes of my friend having not returned I grew worried and walked into the bathroom to check on him. I looked in the first stall and there he was, dry heaving his brains out, with the bathroom attendant a few bar customers watching in awe.
When he stood up, he fell back down, so I had to help him up. I had to carry him and his vomit covered chin back to our table. I tried to round up the rest of our crew, but I wasn’t quick enough. Word had spread from the bathroom attendant that my friend was drunk and puking, so the bouncer tossed everyone out of the bar. Typical.
We make it to the front of the bar, carrying our friend and wait for the rest of our party. Meanwhile, my friend decides he needs to vomit again. Where am I going to tell him to go? We are standing next to another bouncer who is checking ID’s and are surrounded by cars since we are in a parking lot. I tell him to vomit if he needs to, and not to hold back. And the dry heaving begins yet again, this time in front of a line of people waiting to get in the bar.
My friend is making enough noise to steer some customers away from the bar, so now the bouncer get involved by telling us to get off his property. I tried to explain that we were off bar property, and were in the parking lot, but he didn’t want to listen. He said he was going to call the cops if we weren’t gone in the next two minutes.
My friend and I picked up the pill popper and began walking him back to my apartment. We didn’t make it more than 3 blocks before pill popper claims he couldn’t walk anymore. He faceplanted right into the lawn of a church and began throwing up again. (note: this was a Saturday night around 1am, so church was in less than 8 hours). I couldn’t help but laugh a little, and as I looked around, I noticed a police officer was directing traffic on the corner, and cars passing by began honking at my friend who was throwing up, again.
The police officer walked over and asked what was wrong. I didn’t think replying with “food poisoning” was a great idea, so I just offered that he had a little too much to drink and we were on the way back to my apartment 3 blocks away. He said if he wasn’t off the lawn in 3 minutes, he was going to jail. We all tried to pick our friend off the lawn, but he wouldn’t stop moaning and groaning about how he couldn’t walk any further and that he didn’t care if he went to jail. Great.
We manage to get him up and we continue to walk back to my apartment. I really don’t know what I was thinking during this next part, but I wanted to see how drunk/messed up my friend really was. He had just fallen into another bush a block from my apartment and the moaning was becoming unbearable. I picked up a stick and threw it in the direction of his groin area. WHAM! He didn’t move. We all couldn’t stop laughing after that happened. Our friend was sitting in a bush, and had just had a stick thrown at his nuts.
We FINALLY make it back to my apartment. There are about 6 of us there and I have no idea what to do with my friend. I get a really bright idea by handing him an old bathing suit and putting him in the shower. I figure the warm water will either sober him up or will add to his state of delusion, which he would appreciate. He sits in the tub and I crank the water on for him and walk out. Two reasons this was not a good idea: 1) I only have 1 bathroom, 2) he kept moaning. FUCK!
I went in to use the bathroom (the shower curtain was closed) and as I flushed the toilet, my friend became screaming uncontrollably about how the water was burning hot. I had no idea what he was talking about and by the time I put my hand to the water in the shower, it was a normal temperature. I really thought my friend was going crazy by this point.
Another person went to use the bathroom and the same scenario occurred, my friend was screaming his lungs out about the water. You see, since I live in a 1 bedroom apartment, and it had never occurred that the toilet flushing and the shower water were connected. When my friend would start screaming everyone in the living room would start laughing to the point of tears. Most of us were drunk by this point and I promise, hearing a grown man scream about hot water after what had happened earlier couldn’t have topped the night off any better. I believe all of us continued to flush the toilet for the next hour or so and fell asleep with him going “pleeeezzzz, waterrrrr, hottttttt, stoppppp”.
-sinbad
